Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Wedding Wednesday

This was our last session of Andy Stanley’s iMarriage. Bummer drag, right? But I think I’m going to continue Wedding Wednesdays because I have a passion for the subject. I hope that is okay with you guys.:)

Here is a quick recap:

The Problem: When our desires become expectations.

Definion: The idea that when "desires harden into expectations, it changes the whole dynamic of the marriage...The underlying message between the spouse is, 'You owe me'" and if you do not meet those expectations there will be severe penalties. This is because expectations reflect what you feel you deserve and these expectations may even be realistic, but if not met they lead to disappointment.

Our Calling: Wives are called to submit and husbands are called to love their wives.

The Solution: Give your desires to God.

The conclusion of the series was about scheduling a time to have a conversation with your spouse out your desires. I don't know about you, but Garth and I have this talk quite often. We had this talk of desires, hopes and dreams a lot more frequently when we were dating. But we still have this talk quite often. We are both big dreamers and love to discuss what is on our mind. The problem we found was Garth takes my desires as expectations even if I do not intend it that way.

For example, the painting of the trim was a desire I shared with Garth one night. I did NOT expect him to paint it all the following weekend but he did. We disucssed this and could not come to a conslusion as to why he felt this urge to fulfill my desire. He knew I did not expect it but he wanted to do that for me.

In discussing this issue with our small group it seemed to be the trend that most of the men wanted to fulfill their wives expectations immediately. Maybe it's just a "guy thing." I don't know. What do you think?


Kristin said...

I love your Wedding Wednesday posts. Each post has a great message and it really just helps me to reflect on my marriage. Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you're going to keep doing these posts :)

Anne said...

I agree, I think this is kind of the reason we've been having a hard time lately. I love that he wants to make me happy- but he puts so much extra unnecessary pressure on himself that I don't want him to have!!

Lauren said...

I think this all goes back to the fact that men are fixers. I can't remember where I heard this, but when women voice concerns or issues to their husband sometimes they are just speaking and talkign and want someone to listen...but men see those discussions as a problem or something to be fixed so they try and accomplish that as soon as possible!

I love Andy Stanley so we may have to check out this series for our next small group study!