We finished up Rock Your Marriage and have started iMarriage by Andy Stanley. It is interesting to get a fresh perspective on marriage. Stanley's focus this week was Expectations vs. Desires. He explained when we get engaged we have all these desires for our relationship from buying a house to how much money we will make. These aren't negatives, they are even reasonable desires to have...
The problem is when these desires become the expectations. Because what happens when Garth does something I expect him to do? Nothing because I expected it! And if he doesn't do what I expected him to do? I would be upset and he wouldn't even know why! For example, the morgage company doesn't thank me for paying my morgage every month because that is what they expect. Ohhh but if I didn't pay my morgage? They would NOT be happy and I would be hearing from them frequently I'm sure. I remember early in our marriage Garth did all the cooking. It was really nice to come home to a home cooked meal each night and before I knew it I had started to expect it. I even had the audacity to complain about some of his dishes! Well, guess what happened? He lost motivation to cook. He was not feeling valued or appreciated so why would he put it in all the effort?
All that to say, I think it's easy to get into a rut of expecting things from your spouse. Garth and I did premarital counseling and mentoring and we talked about our expectations in depth. We thought we were prepared. But yet we still found ourselves getting into a routine, errrr rut. It's important to appreciate your spouse and continually talk about what you expect from each other. Be open. Be honest.
Garth and I go away each anniversary to discuss our previous years, set goals for the next year, reflect, pray for God to protect our marriage, and talk about expectations. Our answer to the expecations question or the "What do I owe you?" question is nothing. BUT I owe it to God to be loyal, loving, supportive, encouraging, and submissive wife.
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5 comments:
great post! and those "great" expectations can really cause problems if you're no open and honest about what's going on!
I know that I hate to feel like I'm being taken for granted...why do I think Nick likes it anymore than I do?!?
Your post is so very true today. It is easy to take for granted what the other does for you. My husband has been unloading the dishwasher for the past few weeks and I found myself annoyed the other night that I had to do it. It hit me the next day that I was acting spoiled and hadn't even said thank you for all of the extra work. Great post and I am certainly working on that message.
It's so true that things become expectations. I think knowledge is power in this case. When I feel like it's expected that I do something around the house, I talk to Ryan about it. Usually, it's just a matter of talking it out.
Wow! How encouraging! Thanks for sharing these words of wisdom sister!
Great post, I loved that last line, so true!
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