Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Wedding Wednesday

I love this quote. But I will tell you that is shocking how many people I know that have had affairs. People that were the last people I would ever think would have affairs. Godly men. Godly women. People I admired and looked up to. It makes me realize it can happen to anyone. Really. And that is just plain scary stuff.

**Disclaimer: I'm not an expert and I do not claim to be. These are just my thoughts and my opinions based on my experience and research on the subject.**

I think I have mentioned on here before that Garth and I have pretty strict boundaries. For example, we do not ride in a car or eat a meal alone with a member of the opposite sex. Why? Because the Bible says to flee from temptation:

"Abstain from every form of evil." 1 Thessalonians 5:22 ESV

"Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Genesis 3:1-24 ESV

"Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death." James 1:13-15 ESV

"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7 ESV

"Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy," Jude 1:24 ESV

"To the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen." Jude 1:25 ESV

"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." 1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV

"So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." 2 Timothy 2:22 ESV

Maybe you are thinking: "Having lunch or riding in a car with someone is NOT temptation." But most affair stories I have ever heard began with riding together in a car or eating a meal together. The parties never went into this thinking they were going to have an affair. But the more time they spent together one-on-one the stronger emotional bond they created.

Garth explains it this way: If you spent one-on-one time with a person of the opposite sex and enjoyed their company and kept seeing him or her more and more you would get to know each other deeper and deeper, right? Like any friendship, you start talking about surface topics, but as you get to know the person you start sharing more personal things about yourself and vice versa. If you continued to do this with this person you are getting your needs met emotionally. So why would you come home and talk to your spouse? You already talked it out with another person. Slowly and gradually your bond with your spouse would disappear and your bond to him would grow deeper. And one thing leads to another...

For example, if you eat a little ice cream here and there throughout your day when you get home the last thing you would want is ice cream. If you save all your ice-cream cravings for when you get home, it will be completely satisfying in every way. Does that make sense?

All that to say, Garth and I make the decision to avoid the emotional bond so the physical bond with another person is never even an option. Fleeing the temptation before it can even become a temptation. I would encourage you to discuss boundaries with your spouse and decide what you feel comfortable with. We must protect our marriages.

We must affair proof our marriage. Dress up for your man. Enourage him. Love him. Respect him. Go on date nights. Do little things to show you are thinking of him. Hold his hand. Hug him. Kiss him good night. Kiss him good morning. Let him lead your family. Pray for him. Serve him. Affirm him. Touch him. Be his biggest fan.


Lori Alexander said...

Great post! I would add to just accept him just the way he is and not try to manipulate, change or control him. I did that for many years and almost ruined my marriage. Make him happy, not holy! That is the Holy Spirit's job and He is much better at changing and convicting than us!

A. Faith Golden said...

Wow! See, this is why I love your post but especially wednesday's. :) I feel exactly the same way. It's been proven time and time again the more time and effort you put into something it grows and flourishes, which is why we need to make sure we are making our relationship with our spouse the most important. :) Love it! Thanks darling!

The Rest is Still Unwritten said...

True dat! ;)

Great post. All true. I am in the struggle to get back to looking good for my hubby. It's hard post baby to be happy with your body. I'm not fat, didn't get stretch marks, I'm only up 10 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight but it's just not working for me! Boo.

Anne said...

you are a great wife Lindsey

The Pink Growl said...

This says is perfectly. I'm with you in being in complete shock sometimes when I learn that someone I know - or who I thought I knew - has turned out to have turned to cheating. It devastates me completely! I love that you guys have specific boundaries - much better than just leaving it up to guessing. Great post!

Adrienne said...

I love this so much. We have rules that are just the same for the same reason. It's absolutely amazing to see God's word projected across the country and hear the collective amens of women in many different places.

Others may see it as crazy when we mention that we aren't comfortable alone with a person of the other sex (I even feel uncomfortable texting someone like that at times). I especially love the ice cream analogy and the last bit about "affair-proofing" our marriage.

How can we ask our husbands to confidently love us, when we're not letting them and not showing our affections? Not that it's all us, but we are responsible for where God has called us.

Thanks for sharing! This was so awesome!

Jess@BeingMrsBeer said...

I had never read your post on boundaries, but it was definitely an interesting perspective. I am shocked when people have affairs, and can't imagine anyone not taking their marriage seriously. While I don't agree with your boundaries for my marriage, I really respect that you've set boundaries in yours that work for you.

Kelsey @ Seattle Smith's said...

I think you said it well and summarized it SO SO SO perfectly in your last paragraph. LOVE

Maria said...

Once again, well said! I hadn't thought about boundaries until I met my husband and he explained the purpose and need to flee temptation while submitting to God. Love this post! May God continue to bless your marriage and bring His message!

Extraordinary said...

This is great! My husband and I have similar 'boundaries' and have talked about the exact same thing-that is how it all starts. Rarely do people plan to have affairs when they are in a 'happy' marriage. Especially now a days it is SO important to just go the extra mile to protect your marriage!