Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Two Lives Become One

One of the most difficult yet most beautiful parts of marriage is two lives becoming one. When we were looking at who to marry us and where to get married, our main focus was on preparing for the marriage. Don't get me wrong, I loved planning the details as much as anyone, but I also wanted to know exactly what we were getting into.
We chose Kenington Church because of their requirement to meet with a mentoring couple for eight weeks to discuss the book "Preparing for Marriage" by Dennis Rainey.
We chose our pastor because he met with us twice before we were married and required us to meet with him after the wedding after 6 weeks of marriage, 6 months of marriage, and 1 year of marriage.
We just had our sixth month check-up with our pastor. We had to do this fun exercise called "Ways to Express Love" where we circle any ideas we are neglecting to do. I thought this was interesting so I will share with you some of the expressions of love I think I excel at and then I'll show you which ones I have neglected.
Expressions of love I think I do regularly:
- Greeting him at the door when he comes home with a smile, hug, a kiss, and a "Am I glad to see you. I really missed you today."
- Being willing to talk with him about concerns and not belittling him for having those concerns.
- Teasing him and flirting with him.
- Looking at him with adoration.
- Holding his hand.
- Sitting close to him.
- Rubbing his back.
- Wearing his favorite dress or perfume.
- Expressing your love in words or notes.
- Letting him know you appreciate him often.
- Standing with him and supporting him in his attempt to live for God.
- Maintain your spirtual life through Bible study, prayer, regular church attendance and fellowship with God's people.
- Asking for forgiveness.
- Structuring time wisely.
- Being willing to face and solve problems.
- Thanking him in creative ways.
- Inviting others in for dinner and fellowship.
- Going for a walk with him.
- Relating what happened in your day.
- Sharing your fears, concerns, joys, failures, etc.
Ok I could just keep going but it would look like I was bragging. Overall I really do think I am a good wife and I do see Garth as the leader and show that I cherish him very much. With that being said, I'm not perfect and I do struggle with a few things.
- Enthusiastically cooperating with him and sharing in his hobbies. Ok I admit it! Sometimes Garth wants to play ladder golf more than me. Or sometimes I just don't want to play cards after dinner and I complain about it.
- Follow his advice. I'm the oldest of the siblings so I can be bossy at times (there are home movies to prove this). So it is hard for me to be told what to do without putting up a fight. But I'm learning to let Garth lead. I have learned that by letting him lead I am showing I respect him.
- Cooking creatively and faithfully. I love Garth too much to cook for him. My cooking would be torture for him. Seriously, I burned rice people.
- Running errands gladly. I get up early, and work hard all day. These two factors equal lazyness and tiredness when I get home. I do not feel like running to the store after work but I do it anyways...but not gladly.
- Refusing to nag. I hate that I nag and fit into that sterotype. I try really hard not to nag, but sometimes things just won't get done without a few reminders. I'll work on this.
- Helping prepare the income tax report. The what?
- Taking care of his clothes so he is always well dressed. I try to do this but sometimes he just wants to wear but he wants to wear. I respect that, but sometimes I must intervene. For example, I came home from work to change for a wedding and Garth was wearing a black and white striped shirt, a yellow checkered tie, green pants and brown shoes. I couldn't let him leave like that. I love him too much.


LyndsAU said...

What a great post! That is great that your pastor made you continue with your meetings :) I needed to read this today :) Inspiring1

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you guys are doing well! Isn't marriage fun!

mrs.leah.maria said...

I love that churches approach and what a neat list for you to really be analytical about where you are truly at!

Weeksie50 said...

I tagged you.

Anonymous said...

i love that you're continuing to work on your marriage!!! i think it's so important to resist going on "auto-pilot" and continuing to be intentional with our spouses and building into our marriage...
i also love your blog title...especially the learning part, because it's a continual growing process, isn't it? we'll never fully learn. how to be a (perfect) wife.