Reflections on Marriage

G and I had the absolute honor of speaking at Kate's wedding ceremony. 

I thought it would be fun to post what G and I shared here as well.

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Timothy Keller wrote "I'm tired of listening to sentimental talks on marriage. At weddings, in church, and in Sunday school, much of what I've heard on the subject has as much depth as a Hallmark card. While marriage is many things, it is anything but sentimental. Marriage is glorious but hard. It's burning joy and strength, and yet it is also blood, sweat, and tears, humbling defeats and exhausting victories."

Today we want to share a few things that have truly changed our lives and made our marriage a little less hard and a little more glorious. 

1. First, the way you communicate is so important. Proverbs 18:21 says "The tongue has the power of life and death." 

Dave and Ann Wilson illustrate this verse well in their book Vertical Marriage by stating: "Words are the bricks of your marriage, for better or for worse. You can throw that brick through a window and possibly put someone in the hospital, or you can wisely use it to build a safe haven where joy and safety surround your marriage on all sides. With your words, you have the power to tear your spouse apart or to give him life, encouragement, and grace."

We should always strive to build each other up. Ephesians 4:29 says "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

2. Secondly, marriage is not a 50/50 compromise. It's not about him giving 50% and her giving 50%. It's not a 50/50 partnership because a 50/50 partnership leads to only meeting expectations. Instead of a 50/50 contribution each person must strive to give 100%. 

When we give 100% we don’t expect anything in return. It's about loving your spouse and putting them before yourself. When you do this you don’t just meet expectations, but rather you exceed expectations and truly experience what God intended a marriage to be.

Ephesians 5:33 says:

"Each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear]."

3. Lastly, and most importantly, put God first in your marriage. Dave and Anne Wilson sum this up best by saying "Most people believe that marriage will satisfy us and fulfill us... What you and I are looking for cannot be found in the horizontal. It cannot be found in another human being or anywhere else on this planet... The simple secret begins with realizing that a purely horizontal marriage just doesn't work. There is no life, no power in ourselves alone. Adding the vertical creates area, literally it is room for both of you not only to survive marriage, but also to be fulfilled as married people. But without the vertical, without God in first place, we search for life where there is no life.”

Let’s pray. 

God, Thank you for bringing Greg and Kate together. Thank for this beautiful day where they will become husband and wife. We pray you would protect their marriage and give them the strength and courage to reflect You in all that they do. We pray this all in Your holy name, amen.