In the Arena

I made one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make last week. I was offered an opportunity I could not pass up. It's my dream to help build a purchasing team from the ground up. To implement processes. Purchasing is my passion. I love brainstorming and developing processes. And now I get the chance at a company 15 minutes from my house (my current commute is 45 minutes)! I couldn't turn it down. It's an opportunity of a lifetime. It's scary, of course. The unknown is always terrifying. Staying at my current employer would be the safe thing to do. But as Oprah once said "In that moment I chose happiness - the lasting happiness that abides with me every day because I decided not to be afraid and to move forward."

While I was thinking and praying about this big decision I kept reading and thinking on the above quote from Theodore Roosevelt. I realized even if I failed at least I was in the arena. I was living life. I was taking risks. I may know defeat, but I would keep pushing and eventually know triumph. I just kept reminding myself to get back into the arena. To take life by the horns and live it. To know great enthusiasm and great devotion. And if I fail at least I would fail while daring greatly.

So last week I put in my resignation and it was heartbreaking. So much of my life is here. Some of my deepest friendships are here. Garth works here and I get to carpool with him everyday. I found my voice here. I'm becoming who I want to be because of so many people that have poured into me here. It was not an easy decision. I'm so thankful for everything I've learned and the valuable life experience I gained over the five years and eight months I was here.

Two quotes (the first from Oprah and the second from Elizabeth Gilbert) have helped me as I feel like I'm free falling. I'm being courageous even though it isn't easy. I would always regret not chasing my dreams. As Oprah says, chasing your dreams leads to life's richest rewards and greatest adventures. I love that! I hope we are all brave enough to chase what we want. Whatever that is. Because our bravery is what helps us realize our capacities. 

And during a real moment of weakness and letting myself doubt that I could do this new job I hope you have good friends like I do. My best friend, Kate, sent me these texts when I told her I thought I was making a mistake by leaving and starting new:

Me: Did I just make a huge mistake?
Kate: What makes you say that?
Me; I'm so terrified and so scared of failing and just the unknown of it all. I'm leaving my comfort zone, ah!
Kate: Then no because you're excited too.And this is a really good opportunity and I know you can do this. You're choosing you and making your own happiness. You're saying yes. You're dancing it out. You're standing in the sun.  You're not afraid even if you feel afraid because you're doing this.You're not dreaming about it, you're doing it. You're inspiring others. You're growing. You're gaining confidence. That doesn't sound like a mistake, does it?

In that moment I needed that so badly. And yes there are some Shonda Rhimes references in there. And yes her text made me cry out of relief that I can do this. It's okay to be scared. As G keeps reminding me that Mark Twain said "Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it." So here is me acting in spite of the fear.

I'm taking the leap of faith. I'm chasing my wildest dreams to keep growing and to keep becoming the person I want to be. I'm saying yes. I'm stepping into the arena.