Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Giving Grace

I have started to realize I am really good at giving grace to others but not to myself. It was making my internal voice awfully negative. I was constantly thinking of all the negative. 

You didn't work out this day. You aren't a good enough daughter. Friend. Wife. Sister. You should have handled that situation better. You should have dealt with that different. You didn't walk Manny Sunday and you should have. Why don't you want kids? Everyone around you is having kids. Why did you get takeout? You have a new kitchen so you should cook in it!

Those thoughts were swirling in my mind on the regular. It wasn't healthy. It was actually damaging. I only get one life to live and I need to live it in the full. Rejoice in each day I'm given. Not pollute each day beating myself up. Not living in the moment.

If I want takeout I can get takeout. I don't have to explain that away or feel guilty. I should think of all the times I did cook and be content knowing I'm cooking a lot more often than I used to and takeout once and a while is okay.

I can always be a better wife, daughter, friend, sister, wife. As long as I'm actively pursuing being the best I can be everyday that is all anyone is expecting of me. It's time to give myself grace. I can't be all things to all people. But I need to focus on the relationships I want to nurture and nurture them. Grow them. And be okay with that. 

If days pass and I still don't feel I handled something the way I should then I need to talk to that person. Make it right and then move on. Not dwell on it. 

If I was too tired to walk Manny than I should be proud of myself for listening to my body and resting. I should focus on all the days I did walk Manny this week.

If God hasn't given me the desire to have kids yet that is okay. No one is judging me but me. Focus on what I can do. I can love on my niece and my friends' kids. Pray to God to reveal His perfect plan. If it doesn't involve kids that is okay. 

It's okay. Life will go on. No one is perfect. It's okay not to be perfect. Live your life. Work hard. Play hard. Cultivate relationships. Follow God's plan for your life. Don't dwell on what you can't change. Savor every moment you have on this earth.

So today I'm giving myself grace. Grace for not always saying the right thing. Grace for not always doing the right thing. Grace for not wanting kids right now. Grace for not always being my best. For having bad days. For having rest days. For getting takeout. It's okay. I don't want negative thoughts to rob me of my joy. To rob me of living my best life. To rob me of living in every single moment.

Maybe it's time to give yourself some grace too. 


The Pink Growl said...

I find it very hard to give myself grace too. Sometimes even, if I'm being honest, I can find it hard to offer it to others. But I always want it to be offered to me. I'm really learning that being kind to ourselves is so important! It helps shape the way we treat others too! Good post! I hope you can give yourself a break this week - you really do deserve it and you are doing GREAT! :)

Anne said...

Sometimes I give myself too much grace! I've gained like 7lbs since my wedding and I need to stop saying anne it's ok to sleep in and skip that workout and eat cookies! Haha.
I do feel like God has babies in my future, but sometimes I think a life without them could also be nice, more travel! Whatever He has for you is best.
Thanks for sharing :)
Ps- after more reading I'd not recommend that book as much. Lesbians, and the storyline kinda went downhill just fyi