Fit Friday

I had an epiphany over the weekend. It may seem extremely obvious to you, but for me it wasn't. You know how sometimes you are so close to something you don't see the trees from the forest? Am I mixing up that metaphor? Anyway, I had this light bulb moment: My weight is such a small piece of who I am. What I weigh does not make people love me less. I know, it sounds ludicrous when I type it out. But I truly believed I wasn't enough until I reached my goal. Isn't it crazy the lies we tell ourselves?

G and I talked about it at length Friday night. He asked me, "If your parents gained weight would you love them less?" I responded, "Of course not." He pushed further, "Would you trade your life with anyone else just to be thin?" I responded without hesitation "Heck no! I love my life!" Then I got it. It clicked. I felt like the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders. I felt a peace I hadn't known before. I am enough. At a size 6 or a size 13 I am enough. I am still me. I'm still kind, funny and trying to love like Jesus. It doesn't mean I can't strive to eat healthier. Work out. Lose weight. It just means I can be comfortable in who am I now. I can know I'm working to be healthier for me, but it doesn't mean life stops until I hit my goal weight. I can be happy now. I CHOOSE to be happy now. 

Ruth Povey wrote:

"Sometimes a wound must stay open a while so you can heal layer by layer.

And God does heal, but often healing is a process.

We are being made new, but we are works in progress.

Sometimes, determined to heal over and desperate to be made new, we expect perfection from ourselves and quickly. But maybe, in the process of making you new, God’s dealing with what’s there beneath, and we need to allow ourselves grace for that. We need to allow ourselves time and daily mercy, just as we would for anyone else.

We are works in progress, you and I. We are still forming. And at face value, it may seem like not a lot has changed, but those deeper layers, they’re knitting together and our God of restoration, He’s making you new.

'And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.' – Philippians 1:6"

My little revelation last week helped me heal. I know God is still healing me layer by layer because healing is a process. It doesn't happen overnight. But I'm one step. One giant step closer. My weight isn't all consuming anymore because it's just a tiny piece of who I am. Insert huge sigh of relief. Insert peace. 

I was so negative in my thoughts for so long that this article, 20 Questions that will Free Your Mind of Negativity, caught my attention. A few favorite key points:

• "Butterflies don’t know the color of their wings, but the human eyes know how beautiful they are."
• "Figure out what motivates you to grow into your most authentic self.  And remember that you can’t grow unless you’re willing to change.  But as you grow you’ll notice you don’t change much… you just become more of who YOU are."
• "Live for what today has to offer, not what yesterday has taken away.  There will always be obstacles, but we are confined most often by the walls we build ourselves.  What we see depends on how we look at it.  Forget what you’ve lost and focus on what you’ve learned."
• "You are enough.  You have enough.  You do enough.  Breathe extra deep, let go and just live right now in the moment."

When I realized my body image was consuming my thoughts then I could start the process to truly heal. To truly let God make me new. I realized the delivery plan was just a band aid. I had to fix what was going on inside or no amount of diet plans would work. MIND BLOWN. Can I just say how blessed I am to have good friends and an amazing husband that can gently lead and teach me? Without them I think this struggle would have raged on much longer. I feel myself again. I feel a happiness I haven't felt in a long time. I feel peace and I just feel better. 

Phew. On that note! This weekend G and I made omelettes with cheese and onion. They were filling and the perfect way to start the weekend. Fueled us right up!

My lunches this week have been a chicken patty and Brussels Sprouts. I think Brussels Sprouts are my favorite veggie of all time. I'm sick of chicken, but I could eat Brussels Sprouts all day every day.

I've been drinking tons of ice water with lemon and eating 12 almonds as my afternoon snack. I try not to eat a morning snack, but if I'm starved I'll have a light string cheese.

My dinners have not been from the delivery plan. I'm sorry but I'm not even sorry. I can't eat 200 calories for dinner. I can't survive or be productive on 1000 calories a day. G and I decided we would follow the meal plan guidelines, but cook our own South Beach style dinners. I'm eating 1200 calories per day. I decided what works for me is the 80/20 rule. I eat 1200 calories a day and follow the meal delivery plan rules Monday through Friday. The weekends I can be a bit looser. This is working pretty well for me. 

Also? I'm just going to say it. The delivery plan meals tasted amazing the first few days and then they just tasted blah. Like, "if I see one more piece of chicken I'm going to gag!" This really surprised me because I am someone who finds something they love and eat it non stop for YEARS. Black beans and avocado. Granola in college. I was not expecting to get so sick of the food so quickly. I firmly believe it has to be a life style change and if the food was making me gag and I was starving all day then it wasn't something I could live with long term. My solution? Eat the meals for lunches (I would NEVER waste food!) and follow the plan as rigidly as possible during the week and allow myself carbs on the weekend. Friends also suggested incorporating some of the proteins from the plan in stir fry or pasta which is another great idea because I have 56 meals and I have only eaten 27 of them.  

The meal plan wasn't a waste though. I mean, it helps I didn't purchase it full price. But the plan taught me how to eat better. How to incorporate more protein into my diet. I was eating 65% carbs and after doing this plan I am eating 23% carbs. That is success for me! I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bread. This plan also made me realize how much I want to get in the kitchen and cook! The thought of microwaving my food in a bag was getting depressing.

This got really long. Overall, I feel good. I realized I had to deal with the inside stuff to start seeing results. I learned how to incorporate more protein from the delivery plan, but realized it is just not for me. I rather cook. There is only so much chicken I can take. But I got this. It's funny, I "failed" the delivery plan, but I feel better equipped to lose weight now than ever before.

How are you guys doing?