Wedding Wednesday: The Crazy Cycle

Emerson Eggerichs describes The Crazy Cycle in his book, Love and Respect.  The Crazy Cycle states the desire for woman to be loved and the men’s desire to be respected. Naturally, we give what we desire so women give love when their husbands want respect and husbands give respect when women want love. We just keep missing each other = The Crazy Cycle.

An innocent act of helping our husbands with directions makes them feel disrespected. Inadequate. When our husbands try and fix our problems we get frustrated because all we want is to be told everything will be okay. You will love us anyway.

Our signals keep getting crossed and we miss each other. As one pastor put it, it’s like speaking different languages. How can we ever get along if Garth is speaking French and I’m speaking Spanish? We will feel misunderstood, unloved, disrespected and a whole lot of frustration.

How do we fix the situation? Being aware is the first step. I mean, how can you fix what you didn’t know was broken? Next, it really is all about communication. Our husbands are not mind readers. How will they know what we need or what we want in a situation if we don’t express ourselves? I recommend reading The 5 LoveLanguages to learn how you feel loved (Quality Time, Gifts, Touch, Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation) and discuss with your spouse. Garth and I have read the book and I highly recommend it.

As women, we must remember there is a fine line between giving advice and instruction. We must let our husbands take charge of situations. We must trust them and their judgment. Sometimes that will mean biting your tongue. It does not come naturally to me. This communicates trust and respect to our men though.

We were driving home from our friend’s lake house Sunday and I was navigating. I was sure we had to go left at this light, but Garth said he knew he could go straight and get on the freeway. I held my tongue. I agreed. I trusted him. It was hard. But it was worth it. Garth was right. We made it home safely and happily. Most importantly, happy! We did not spend the whole car ride fighting. It was so worth just letting it lie. Letting him control the situation and worth it for him to feel respected. Adequate.

Do you find it difficult to show respect to your husband? Have you read Love and Respect or The 5 Love Languages? If not, both are excellent!

**These thoughts are based on the above mentioned books and For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhan**