This week we split up and the boys met downstairs and the girls met upstairs. The talk was about encouraging your husband. This really hit me hard. I am ashamed to admit that I am not a very encouraging wife. I swore I would never be a "nagging wife" but I am. And I criticize. Even if I do have the best intentions, it's not my place to do so. My job is to be my husband's biggest fan. His cheerleader.
As Garth and I watched this video to prepare for small group I started sobbing. All I could think about was the words I say to Garth...
"You're watching ANOTHER football game tonight?"
"You're having a beer on a week night?!"
"Are you going to pick up your socks off the floor?"
Nag. Nag. Criticize. Nag. Repeat. Oh my goodness. I was devestated that I talked to Garth like that. This verse from Proverbs 25:24 was like a knife through my heart. "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." OUCH! Convicted.
Garth noticed I was crying and paused the video, ran over to me, and hugged me tight. I confessed that I was guilty of not being a very encouraging wife. I asked for his forgiveness. We talked about how he felt when I nagged or criticized him. He forgave me. We prayed together.
I'm making a conscious effort to be more encouarging. I purchased the book Power of a Praying Wife and I plan on making a change in the way I talk to him. I am not his mother. I am his wife. I need to be his biggest fan. I need to start praying for him more. We only had this talk a week ago, but literally our marriage is 100 times better! I cannot even describe how Garth lights up when I encourage him. It is amazing.
A suggestion from the video was to keep a journal of all the things your husband does for you that you appreciate. I have found it to be a helpful tool in being more encouraging to Garth. It's just a few simple lines of things Garth does that I love, but sometimes take for granted. I can't wait to present it to him after a couple months!
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9 comments:
Such a great post. Sometimes we do need to take a step back and evaluate our actions.
My husband and I just had the same conversation yesterday! I realized how some of the jabs I take could chisel at his pride and confidence. Making the change ASAP!
great reminder! it's so easy to forget that it's not our job to correct our husbands but to lift them up in every way possible! thanks for the post, I think we all need this reminder!
I share this flaw as well. It's crazy, Andrew is SOO helpful so often, but the one time he misses something- of course I notice and just haaave to tell him. I hate that I do this. The love & respect book talks about this too, and the 'be his cheerleader' aspect. After Andrew's race when I was his cheerleader literally, I could not believe how loving he was towards me afterwards. It was incredible. I wish he ran everyday so I could cheer!!! But yeah, the journal is a great idea and just to be more appreciative in general. We made good choices- it should be easy to find things! :)
Matt and I actually had a very similar talk this past Sunday. The power of our words is so strong and I realize that if he "nagged" me the way I have a tendancy to do, it would hurt tremendously.
I have been working to just "do" some of the little things (i.e. picking up the socks or glasses or whatever) without saying anything. And then...important...not taking a "martyr" attitude, but really thinking of it as just blessing our home and family. And I have found, I really don't mind and usually Matt sees me going to do something and says "I can do that, babe" And then he will.
Have you guys studied the 5 love languages? I loved this book. Matt is "Words of Affirmation" and "Acts of Service" and knowing that...and then applying it...has helped us so much. (He knows mine too and even brings it up from time to time!)
Good for you! I was recently thinking about this issue too, and I felt very convicted to be nicer to my husband.
I often wonder when make these post, you talk about being a better husband and the rules it says for the wife. But do these videos, books, groups speak of the husband being a better husband? Tell him not to speak a certain way to his wife, encourage her more, keep a journal of appreciation for his wife, have bible quotes of a better husband? Does Garth learn anything from these videos? Does he regret how he might speak to you? The tone he might use towards you that might come off as wrong or nagging? A marriage works both because a husband and wife and I just wonder does Garth take claim to his faults as well.
Gah, that last post was awful and no edit button lol. Hopefully you are able to understand the gibberish that is posted. I apologize and promise to never post on a day I have gone coffee free :)
I love your vulnerability! It's such a hard thing for me too! Thanks for the encouragement :)
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