Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Wedding Wednesday.

Welcome to the second installment of our "Rock Your Marriage" discussion. I forgot to mention this will be a bi-weekly series since we do our study every other Wednesday. On our "off nights" we just hang out as a group at a restaurant or at one of our houses. Fun times!

This past week was about conflict. I had heard in premarital counseling that our fighting styles are usually like our parents. This was addressed in the video and I hadn't given it much thought since then... I didn't realize just how true it was until Garth and I were married!

I am the least confrontational person you will ever meet. I will do anything to avoid it. Turn up the TV. Go for a walk. Go to another room in the house. Garth is the complete opposite. He wants to discuss it and come to a resolution. He has taught me to stay and talk it out. He has taught me it is okay to disagree. It's even normal.

Sidenote: I do not think I learned this nonconfrontational behavior from my parents as I have never seen them fight a day in my life. Not one single day. (I think it's more my people pleaser personality). I love that I never saw my parents fight and Garth and I would strive do the same for our kids. They should not hear us fight, that's not fair to them. The home should be a comfortable, peaceful environment...End of rant.

I am so thankful for that. I used to think you had a great relationship if you never fought. I find it hilarious that people think Garth and I never fight. We are two people with different life experiences, different genders, and from different countries. Of course we don't agree on everything! But we don't fight to win. We fight for a resolution. A compromise.

And if I was totally honest, most of our fights are over the STUPIDEST things. Actually, just one stupid thing. And it always starts with one of asking: "What's for dinner?" Last Tuesday this exact conversation went down:

G: "What's for dinner?"
L: "I don't care. What do you want?"
G: "I don't care. How about Chinese?"
L: "No, I don't want that. How about Jimmy Johns?"
G: "That doesn't sound good. How about pizza?"
L: "Well, I wanted to be healthy...How about I make spinach pie?"
G: "That doesn't sound good."

And on and on until we finally figure something out. It sounds ridiculous but this happens almost every. single. night. And interestingly, we found out it happens to everyone in our small group as well. Even more interesting, we found this conversation happens to most of our co-workers. Does it happen to you?


Anonymous said...

I sound more like Garth in this situation and you sound like my husband. Conflicts are good in marriage, you just have to know how to handle it. Sometimes it is tough to be an adult and have a discussion when something is bothering you. Guess that is where the whole "give and take" thing comes in. Great post.

Anne said...

haha, this is one fight we haven't had :) mostly at our house I make the menu of what we're going to eat that week and then I make it. I guess in our house the cook gets to make what they want and the eater just gets to eat it! haha

Lauren said...

love this post. of course i HATE that the biggest fights are over the smalles things. I agree that conflict is good, otherwise I'm not sure how a couple would grow together!

Ashley - The Christian Wife Life said...

I have never seen my parents fight a day in my life either! I'm so thankful. But I can't figure out my conflict style...seems like it changes with what the conflict is, haha. Thanks for this post!

Much love,

Shanny said...

YES, yes, yes! It happens to us all the time! Exactly the same conversation lol

Mandy said...

Absolutely, yes! The dinner conversation is one that I dread daily. We're never on the same page food-wise.

A. Faith Golden said...

Yesss! We have this conversation ALL the time! Drives me crazy!! lol!

Anonymous said...

I have read your blog from the start and I had a question. I realize this is from your point of view and all but I see the name of your blog " Learning to be a wife" and I see you mention how you learn from Garth and so on often. I think it would be nice to have a guest piece done by Garth to see how he has learned from you. How he has learned to be a good husband seeing as it's a learning experience for the both of you.

Anonymous said...

Hi there! I've never commented on your blog before, but I wanted to jump in and say something! I love how you and Garth are growing together in your marriage and establishing a wonderful firm foundation that will stand the test of time!

As a wife of 11 years who is also a mom with two children (girls ages 6 and 8), I have a slightly different view of children hearing parents argue. If arguing can be done with respect, love, and resolution, I (and my husband) think it's important for children to witness some arguments on occasion. We both feel (and many of our friends feel the same way) that it shows children that conflict is normal and must be dealt with in a way that honors Christ. Our children have seen us argue, have see us work through issues, and see us go to the Lord together in prayer afterward. The really big fights we save for later! My husband grew up in a home where his parents screamed at each other and I lived in a home where I never saw my parents argue, so we were ill-equipped to deal with conflict when we first got married. Children don't need to hear screaming and yelling, but they do (in my opinion!) need to see their parents handle conflict. Trust me....some fights can't be avoided in front of kids (like when you're lost on a road trip....ugh!)