30 Unexpected Things You Learn in Your Thirties

I had to share this article going around Facebook because they are ALL so true. Sad, but true. And hilarious!

1. You constantly forget that you’re not in your twenties anymore. After college, the years just sort of start to blend together.

2. People start to think there is something LEGITIMATELY wrong with you if you are single.

3. Your middle name should be “Busy,” since that is what you are all the time now.

4. Your Facebook feed will be nothing but new baby pics.

5. You will seriously consider moving to a more affordable part of the country.

6. The clothes from your twenties now make you look like you are trying too hard.

7. Which is why you will look for “sensible” and “comfortable” clothes when shopping.

8. There are two camps of people: those who work out and those who work.

9. Getting carded is AWESOME.

10. Your favorite foods will now wreak havoc on your insides.

11. Investing in quality becomes important. And most importantly, doable. That means spending a little more on better clothes and maybe even a better car.

12. Hangovers will destroy you. You used to drink everyone under the table. Now you’re just under the table trying to figure out how you got so wasted off of two Amstel Lights.

13. The classic rock station is now playing your high school playlist. Since when is Nirvana classic rock? Wait. Nevermind is 23 years old? When did that happen?!

14. Quiet never sounded so good. When did the world get so loud? And bright? Close the shades, will ya?

15. Your back will hurt for no damn reason. You go to sleep on the eve of your 30th birthday with a healthy, youthful back, and awaken the next morning with the back of an 85-year-old carrot farmer.

16. Same goes for your feet. Time to start investing in orthotic shoe inserts! How fun!

17. You will gain hair in all the wrong places. But lose it in the places that matter most.

18. You will now have divorced friends.

19. Re-watching movies from your youth is a bad idea.

20. Marathons everywhere. Who knew so many of your friends were runners? Maybe you should do one. Nah, forget about it. There are Oreos in the cupboard.

21. Gray hairs will begin to multiply like horny bunnies. Ugh.

22. Somehow you are now a person with answers. When that intern at work asks what they need to look for in renting their first apartment, you will have actual advice. Actual. Sage. Advice.

23. Your clothes won’t be the only things laden with wrinkles.

24. Activities like apple picking and wine tasting will be your new wild weekend plans. And both will make you tired the next day.

25. The only dancing you will do is at weddings and work parties. Clubs? Those are for the youth and people desperately clinging to what they have left of their own.

26. Plus, dancing all night requires multiple water breaks. In your twenties you could dance all night, slamming shot after shot while living la dolce vita. Now it’s “I need another water. Can I get you another water?” as you slink off the dance floor drenched in sweat.

27. Talk of cool new bars and bands is replaced with talk of mortgage refinancing and preschool applications. Yeah, it may seem mundane, but seriously, how did you get little Kevin into that preschool?

28. The repercussions of your twenties will catch up with you.

29. You wouldn’t go back to your twenties for a million bucks.

30. You can’t wait to be 40. Because by then you’ll totally have all this shit figured out, right?