Friday, June 1, 2012

Fit Friday!

I’m going to interrupt my vacation recaps for a moment. I hope you don’t mind. I took a break from the scale for a couple weeks and it was liberating. A funny thing happened. I started to forget about a number and enjoyed my curves, notice the definition in my abs and arms and the thinness of my face when I smile. I started to actually like the person I saw in the mirror for a change instead of seeing all the flaws. I was thinking these thoughts on my way to work and literally right after I thought them I heard these lyrics from “Sunscreen” by Baz Luhrmann on the radio:

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked...
You're not as fat as you Imagine…

Enjoy your body, Use it every way you can... Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it,
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own...”

I know they aren’t profound words but they really stuck with me. I started reflecting on all the push-ups, burpbees, and jumping jacks I can do. I started to appreciate how I can walk and I can run and that is something I should never take for granted, let alone complain! I am so blessed to be able to be active, and I need to look for more activities to use my body. Play more tennis. Hike on a pretty trail. Go country line dancing. I just need to stop the negative thoughts and start enjoying my body and that was quite a revelation for me.

I had another profound moment this week. I first read it in my “So Long Insecurity” devotional. Beth Moore talks about how we overshare our insecurity to our husbands and they don’t like it. This was pivotal for me because I always always always complain about my weight to Gartth. I probably ask him if I look fat or say that I am fat a million times a day and I know he will say “Not at all! You look great! You are beautiful.” I don’t know I thought he enjoyed doing that, but maybe I was just more concerned in needing to hear it. Until I read those words. And then, like clockwork, a couple days later I ask Garth if I look fat and he says to me “That is such a turn off.” OUCH.

It was a good discovery though and I’m so glad we talked it through. Garth really does think I’m beautiful but when I continually ask if I am it offends him that I don’t think I am. He explained that confidence is sexy. Confidence in who I am AND what I look like. I’m not sure if I’m making sense, but It was like a light bulb went off and I’ve become so much more secure. I know it’s a process and I have been reading and praying over this battle for a long time. You can’t just be secure like you can turn on a light. It’s not that easy. But I think I finally had my mountain top moment. My revelation of security. My body is capable of amazing things and I know I will look back and realize it didn’t really matter in the scheme of things. I rather spend my time enjoying my life than worrying about something so trivial.

And the funniest part? When I stopped obsessing over the scale and counting calories and just listened, really listened to my body on how hungry or full I actually lost four pounds. FOUR. That is just crazy! 


Anonymous said...

Good for you girl! I love this post because I think it is so important to appreciate what you are! The media is out of control with trying to portray beautiful women having to be a certain way. Congrats on the four pounds and I hope you continue to have fun and enjoy your reflection!

Lauren said...

this is a beautiful post. I definitely needed to read this today. I've really been struggling with my identity since becoming a mom & trying to figure out what my "look" is...I need to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and as long as I'm happy & comfortable then I just need to relish that!

Adrienne said...

Oh sweet friend, this is so fantastic and beautiful! What a wonderful revelation :)

Praying for a happy and peaceful weekend!

LWLH said...

Sometimes you just need to listen to your body. Congrats girl.

Conly Poolos said...

I've never commented before, but I have to say I LOVE this post. This is something I need to try hard to remember, and I'm sure I'll be coming back to read these words again. I often miss out on stuff because of my own insecurities, yet I look back on myself 10 yrs ago & think- I wish I still looked like that! It's nice to know I'm not the only one out there with self esteem issues. I love your blog!

Linnea said...

I really enjoyed this post, and it was just what I needed to read. I too, am always complaining to my husband about my weight and it really upsets him. I've been trying to be better, but this post really helped.